where the hell is teddy roosevelt

At any given moment there are at least 12 different things I could/should feel bad about. 7 of them are always facebook messages I never responded to. One is the GIANT hole in my bedroom door that the cat has been working on making for the last 7 months. 3 typically have to do with my car/gas/insurance/license. And at least one is always: DID I PAY MY ____ BILL?

On Friday, we had to sign with the world’s worst electric company for the new condo. Why did we have to sign with them? Because they are the onlyenergy provider the condominium association allows us to use. They’re all like: “Eh, we’re not going to bother to turn your power on for four business days after you move in, oh, AND we’re going to run a credit check on you which will hurt your credit score OR make you pay a ridiculous security deposit OR BOTH!”

But of course they can do whatever they want since they’re a monopoly.

WHERE THE HELL IS TEDDY ROOSEVELT AND HIS TRUST-BUSTING BIG STICK?!

I’m sorry for mixing political ideologies, I’m also sorry for coming to work smelling like cat pee. On a scale measuring stress from one to going-to-work-in-a-dress-which-your-cat-obviously-pee’d-on-but-you-didn’t-notice-because-you’re-too-distracted-thinking-about-the-12-different-things-you-could/should-feel-bad-about, I’m sitting at work smelling like cat pee. I know what you are thinking: go to the bathroom pull your dress off, dunk it in the sink, wash it with hand soap, dry it with paper towels and pretend that the reason you are soaking is because you walked to work in the middle of a thunderstorm. WAY ahead of you.

I suppose it hasn’t helped that for the past four months I have been booked solid at least two months in advance.

Remember on Friday how everyone was like:

already june

And I was like:

still june

Steve and I spent the weekend cleaning the condo and packing. And by packing, I mean throwing things into a box while watching the MTV Movie Awards. If anyone ever argues that the voting age should be lowered, I will use the MTV Movie Awards as my rebuttal. Every year I get excited to see categories that mean more to me than best foreign screen play and sound editing—like best kiss (duh) and every year I am confronted by the fact that Twilight is still a thing and teenagers are the worst. How does Twilight still win every award?

WHERE THE HELL IS TEDDY ROOSEVELT AND HIS TRUST-BUSTING BIG STICK?!

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